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I'm moving out soon, and it's about damn time. There are a lot of reasons I've delayed moving out of my parents' home. Learned helplessness, fear of finding myself unable to take care of myself, laziness, my mom's mind games (don't get me started), but in the last few years, things have gotten . . . bad . . . at home. Very bad. I don't want to go into detail because, frankly, it's painful stuff. It's psychologically traumatizing when some delusions get torn rudely away by the facts of life, and it's even worse when not having the sense to see through it costs you some very dear friends.
But it finally reached a point where it's just got so bad here that all the other fears have been made to seem very small indeed. And as I may have said before, I'm not hurting for money and am unlikely to ever hurt for it again, barring economic collapse, or my evil uncle somehow getting control of the family company. And I've got a full time job that I can build a career out of, which is something I've never had before. All in all, the ability to take care of myself seems like a laughable thing for me to be afraid of at this point.
For the past three days I've been going through my whole room, getting rid of things I don't need anymore, boxing up things I intend to keep but don't have an immediate need or use for, and generally cleaning it out (I may not be happy with my home life, but I'm not going to leave a terrible mess like my younger brother and sister did; I'm a asshole, but I'm at least a responsible one).
My hope is that once I get out of the hell-hole that is this basement, I'll be away from some of the stressors that have been crippling me and maybe I'll be able to start focusing on my writing again. I still want to write, but for the last little while, I've had so little focus for it and most of the time, sitting down to write has just made me feel depressed. All I've been able to write is extremely self-indulgent shit that I wouldn't want to share with anyone. Hopefully, I can turn that around soon.
Wish me luck.
But it finally reached a point where it's just got so bad here that all the other fears have been made to seem very small indeed. And as I may have said before, I'm not hurting for money and am unlikely to ever hurt for it again, barring economic collapse, or my evil uncle somehow getting control of the family company. And I've got a full time job that I can build a career out of, which is something I've never had before. All in all, the ability to take care of myself seems like a laughable thing for me to be afraid of at this point.
For the past three days I've been going through my whole room, getting rid of things I don't need anymore, boxing up things I intend to keep but don't have an immediate need or use for, and generally cleaning it out (I may not be happy with my home life, but I'm not going to leave a terrible mess like my younger brother and sister did; I'm a asshole, but I'm at least a responsible one).
My hope is that once I get out of the hell-hole that is this basement, I'll be away from some of the stressors that have been crippling me and maybe I'll be able to start focusing on my writing again. I still want to write, but for the last little while, I've had so little focus for it and most of the time, sitting down to write has just made me feel depressed. All I've been able to write is extremely self-indulgent shit that I wouldn't want to share with anyone. Hopefully, I can turn that around soon.
Wish me luck.
I'm Not Okay
I think should not have gone quite so detailed as I did about certain things in my last journal. Normally after I write a journal entry, I spend an hour or so looking over it, removing things that shouldn't be there that slip in while writing in the moment. But that flowed out so fast and so hard it put me in a bad emotional state and before I could collect myself, my dad showed up (coming in without knocking, naturally; parents . . .). Hit submit and closed the browser before I had time to think about it. And then I was so busy putting on a happy face for my dad, I didn't have time to think about what I'd written.
Next day, spent all da
Updates
So, graduated recently. That's a significant chunk of time expenditure removed from my life. Now there's just my work taking up time. I'm going to try and get back into writing, but it's been such a long time that it's proving a challenge to clean the rust off. Skills and techniques previously learned are all coming slowly due to such a long period of disuse. It's very frustrating. The stories are still there, the ideas still come, but art isn't found in the idea. Art is in the expression, and my ability to express creaks on its hinges now. Gotta oil things up again.
On that note, I want to try and get back into my Dream Gate Cycles
Busy Busy Busy
Sorry, I know I've got a bunch of comments waiting to be replied to and, to use the scientific term, a metric shit-ton of deviations to look at.
This month has been insane at school. I've had about three assignments due every day in class, which is a workload I've never had before even back in getting my first degree. Plus I'm still working. Bottom line, I am super exhausted and don't feel up to leaving replies these deserve . . .
I'm coming close to the end of the mod, though, and hopefully will be back on my feet soon.
Rewriting
The process of developing characters sometimes forces you to rethink plans.
A book that I've talked a lot about in the past is my Dream Gate Cycles novel. One of the main elements of it is that it features a lot of characters that reappear in later stories. It's main villain is the Legionnaire, who has at least three other planned stories including him as a character. It features Persephone, who is a character in Endymion's story and a very important one. Certain entities that appear in Dream Gate Cycles are a part of my Gaea setting. And the Elder Gods are, of course, a part of every setting for every story I write, even if they don't
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Comments9
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Good luck, man! It sounds like you've got things well in hand. I'm sure your feelings toward writing will improve when you're out on your own!